jan fiction/non-fiction: the waiting room

The Waiting Room

MAN runs into the waiting room, bolting straight for the front desk. He runs past a teenage girl sitting in one of the chairs. He is frazzled and dressed in a suit that is unbuttoned.

Man: (At the desk) Uhh…uhh…her name is Paige Monroe! I was told she got in about 15 minutes ago an-and I would like to see her.

Nurse: Sir, I don’t know much myself. Please go sit in the waiting room and I will get back to you as soon as I know something.

Man: I- please I just- (He stutters. Accepting his loss, he drags his feet over to the rows of chairs and unknowingly sits a couple of seats away from the girl. He constantly repositions himself in his seat and takes off his tie. The man looks at the table of  magazines.) People in movies just flip through magazines right? If they can act interested I can too. (Still anxious, he picks up a magazine and flips through stopping on a quiz page that reads “Which Kardashian are you most like?” He follows the chart.) Mhm Kim K. Just . . . you know . . . without a butt or a rapper husband. (He does it multiple times changing the path he is on.) 

Girl: Are you going to go through that again? If I have been counting right, I’d say you’re on your eighth path. I want to see if I get Kendall Jenner. (He throws the magazine on the table and doesn’t acknowledge her. She, however, cannot pick it up and looks at him critically.) So what’s with the suit and tie?

Man: Oh, It’s for my wife. It’s our third anniversary. We were at dinner until… well I don’t really know what happened but I was told to sit in a chair, so here I am.

Girl: Same (Sarcastically.)

Man: Oh! (Not getting the joke.)

Girl: No, I’m kidding (He is eased.)…car crash.

Man: (Worried.) Are you ok? (Moves to the chair one away from her.)

Girl: Yeah, I’ve been in like five so this is like my routine.

Man: (Jokingly.) Same chair?

Girl: Always. I even etched my name into the handle, see! (It says, Wendy) I’m even on a first name basis with the nurses and doctors. They can’t seem to get rid of me. (She gloats. Pause.) Do you want to put your feet up or something? I’m starting to feel anxious around you.

Man: Umm well I don’t know what I need-

Wendy: (Cutting the MAN off.) Pretend you’re in a job interview applying for your dream job and I’m the boss.

Man: Wait, but I already have my dream job.

Wendy: Sir, you can’t tell me that you didn’t want to be a firefighter when you were a child.

Man: Fair enough. (He eases up to her and sits facing her. Then he pauses and pretends to pull a piece of paper out of a bag and gives it to her as if it’s his resume.) Evening ma’am, my name is Eric and I would like to be a firefighter! (He sets the “paper” on the chair between them.)

Wendy: Alright, Eric, tell me why. (She picks up the “paper” and paces back and forth behind the chairs like a lieutenant.)

Eric: Well, I like helping people. And- I’ve always wanted to have my own hard hat.

Wendy: (Whispers and breaks character.) That’s not enough Eric. Tell me more! (She continues to pace getting back into character.)

Eric: – and I like heights so you can put me on the ladder that reaches the sky! (Stands on the chair.) Maybe God will need help putting out a fire – you never know. I am also a strong man. So if there are fires, (Goes to the water station and pours himself a glass of water.) I can handle the big hose and seize it! (Throws the water as if there was a fire in front of him.) And I can save all the cats and babies that get stuck in trees. I can be a hero to the citizens and win a Nobel prize for being a cat and baby saver!

Wendy: You’re fired!

Eric: But I wasn’t even employed in the first place.

Wendy: Well then… You’re not hired!

Eric: Ah what! Why?

Wendy: Too eager. You seem like the person that would commit to something but not consider the flaws or consequences.

Eric: How’d you figure that out?

Wendy: Well, based on your “job interview” and that shaky leg of yours, which is practically causing an earthquake, it’s rather obvious to me. I think you need to slow down, breathe a little bit. Think of something that brings you calm, like puppy dogs or rainbows or something Something like – 

Eric: My wife!

Girl: Exactly, like her. 

Eric: No, no, my Wife! Paige! I should go check on her, maybe the nurse has news. I mean it’s been what, 30 min-?

Wendy: (Interrupting him.) Only 10 minutes.

Eric: Ten minutes! Man, you were right. Maybe I am a bit compulsive. (Pause.) Hey, do you want me to call your father or something? I don’t think that you should be alone. 

Wendy: No, he lives too far away, I think. My mom told me I only knew him for 21 days-

Eric: (Interrupting.) Why don’t you just say three weeks?

Wendy: Well, three weeks seems too short. I say 21 days because it makes me feel like I’ve been with him longer than three weeks. (Pause.) Anyway, then something happened and we left him. Besides, I’m not alone. (Motions towards ERIC.)

Eric: Just you and your mom?

Wendy: Yeah, she says, (Imitating her mom.) “We fell off the face of the earth and had to start a new life.” (Normally.) It took a while for us to adjust but the place was great. Well other than the five, now six, car crashes. 

Eric: Right. New situations are very scary. New situations like a man’s wife being in the ICU for who knows what. 

Wendy: Look, you probably have to wait another eleven minutes or something. That’s going to be a long eleven minutes if all you’re doing is worrying. I mean, with our time together maybe I can help you be more flexible and adaptable.

Eric: With what, change?

Wendy: Yes.

Eric: How?

Wendy: With a game of Twister!

Eric: Twister? In the middle of the waiting room? You’re crazy. And where are we supposed to find a spinner and a mat?

Wendy: Look man, I’m a regular here.. (points to the Kid’s magazine) Grab that magazine (ERIC picks up the magazine, rips out the pages) and start tearing out the pages. Lay them out on the floor in a five by four rectangle.(ERIC proceeds to lay them down. The pages are not lying in order. Like page 4 can not be between pages 3 or 5.)

Eric: (Pauses.) How will I know where to put my hands and feet?

Wendy: That’s why I said the kid’s magazine. (ERIC continues to lay the pages.)  I’ll tell you the body part and the animal to put it on. Simple standard rules, you fall and it’s game over! Then you buy me a granola bar from the vending machine.

Eric: A granola bar? Why not chocolate? (ERIC finished laying the pages and takes off the blazer.)

Wendy: I don’t like it.

Eric: Ah same here. It’s either too sweet or too bitter for me.

Wendy: YES! Finally, someone who gets it!

Eric: I thought I was the only one.

Wendy: Me too! (They chuckle.) Alright, left foot on the grey owl, page…17. 

Eric: (Puts left foot on the grey owl.) You know you’re really mature for being so young. 

Wendy: What do you mean? Right hand on the rabbit. Page 18.

Eric: (Puts right hand on the rabbit.) I mean look at you distracting a 30-year-old man from his wife.

Wendy: Right foot on the bear. Page 19.

Eric: (Puts right foot on the bear.) I want to thank you for this.

Wendy: Right hand on the beaver. 20. Thank me? No, don’t. It’s nothing.

Eric: (Puts right hand on the beaver.) No truly, Wendy. Thank you, you’ve been quite the charm. You did something that only my wife has ever made me do; slow down. 

Wendy: Left foot. Sloth. 21. (WENDY exits.)

Eric: (Attempts to put his left foot on the sloth.) Now you’re just teasing me with the sloth, aren’t you? (Eric ends up slipping and falling on his back.) Ahh, I guess I’ll get you that granola bar. Are you allergic to nuts? Wendy? (Looking for her.) where’d you- go? I’m going to take that as a yes… just in case. (Goes over to the vending machine and gets a chocolate granola bar. Yelling.) Hey, It was either this or almond-

Nurse: (Standing near the magazine pages.)  Mr. Monroe? 

Eric: (Puts granola bar in pocket) Oh! I’m sorry about the paper. (Starts picking up the paper.) Wendy and I were playing twister with animals. How’s Paige? (Calmly.) Can I see her, please? I have been waiting. (NURSE puts their hand on his shoulder stopping him from picking up any more paper.)

Nurse: Mr. Monroe . . . I’m so sorry but she passed away. (ERIC is silent.) I’m not sure if you were aware but your wife was pregnant. Some complications happened with the baby. It was all very sudden and unexpected, she just bled out. I’m truly very sorry. If you come with me, I can give you a brief moment to say goodbye.

Eric: (Tense and uncomfortable but calm.) Umm…O…Okay. Can Wendy come along?

Nurse: Who? Sir, you’ve been here all alone.

Eric: The girl! I played Twister with her. Wendy, she said she was a regular and it had been her sixth car crash and she’s on first-name basis with all the-

Nurse: (Interrupting and not knowing what to do.) Mr. Monroe, would you like to say goodbye to your wife?

Eric: Okay, I’m coming! (He leaves with the nurse hesitantly but before he leaves, ERIC puts the granola bar on her chair. Eric Exits.)