We light cigarettes, awaiting a lifetime of fun.
it settles while the moments are filled with
Serotonin, dopamine, and adrenaline –
The feeling of actually living.
The smokescreen blocks out
reality, leaving just now. The
smell, that irritates most,
is the least of our worries.
I think the burn will last as
I hold on to this breath, until
suddenly it’s pulled from
my mouth and smothered
amongst the others.
Two smoke trails run parallel
I take flint and steel
to relight what
once was but,
a relit cigarette
never tastes
the same.
My inspiration for the poem came from these two quotes:
- “I think one of the most painful things to feel, is like that feeling of like, you can just tell when someone is drifting out of your life.”
- “A relit cigarette never tastes the same and that’s all I’ll preach on rekindling old flames.”
Obviously, the common factor here is cigarettes, so, I dug into my ashtray full of friendships and rolled with it.
I’ve always found myself to be that spark when it comes to old friendships that I desire to relight. However, I’ve learned the hard way that, some friendships are not meant to last. As cliche as that sounds, it’s a hard truth that I didn’t want to believe, especially being considered the glue in many friend groups. Those lost friendships start out as seeming like the best connections I will ever have as I learn to let loose and be carefree. Inevitably, that person becomes this ghost that not necessarily haunts me because it wants to, but because I can’t find a way to say goodbye.
With technology these days, It’s not impossible to text the person or arrange a day to catch up with them, but it feels impossible to get back to the peak of the friendship. So, in the end, is it really worth it to put so much effort into a friendship that will remind you of a better time? Instead of the closure, I’ve settled for the annual happy birthday and the “knowing your alive” likes on my Instagram. Who knows if that person ever thinks of me again or thinks of the fun that I would not change for anything
With this piece, a main concern of mine was the structure of it and how it looked. I wanted to emulate the length of a cigarette slowly burning with the exception of the single line signifying the trails of smoke. Clearly, I could not find a way to make all the lines the exact same length so it’ll do. One line that I am proud of is the comparison between the “smokescreen” and the “smoke trails”. My intent for this is to symbolize the contrast between the fun and carefree chaos of the two friends being together and the sadness of the individual trails running alone, going their own way. Using “parallel” creates a sense that however close the lines run together they will never meet. Lastly, I used the flint and steel to elude to a spark as a spark can happen anytime but a spark from a flint and steel is purposeful.
Hi Hadlen,
I would just like to start off by saying you are an incredibly talented writer and your work never fails to impress me. In particular, the depths you took your poetry to were both creative and impactful to the reader. One line that stood out to me was the line about two smoke trails running parallel. Not only did it create vivid imagery, it was purposeful in changing the tone of the poem (from the “we” to “I”). Additionally, the structure of your poem and word choice added to this smooth flow of writing. Your explanation was extremely well written and allowed further insight into your creative process.
Having read the poem multiple times, I don’t think I can critique any part of the poem because the grammar, punctuation, structure and word choice all seem to work very well to highlight your theme. To say the least, every aspect of the poem is perfectly woven together. I look forward to coming to your page again in the future and reading more of your work!
Sincerely,
Ibadat:)
Dear Ibadat,
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my piece. I’ve read your other pieces prior to this assignment and will say it means a lot to hear this from you. With the “we” and “I” comparison you are talking about, I’m glad to hear that you picked that up since I was aiming to do just that. I was trying to find a way to contrast the idea of the smokescreen of chaos (in a good way) and the uncomfortable peace of the smoke trails that, in the ashtray, never touch. Again thank you so much!
Sincerely,
Hadlen
Dear Hadlen,
Holy smokes, this poem was absolutely amazing. I loved how you compared the idea of friendships with cigarettes. Each stanza was done excellently as they helped present your details in both an orderly and creative fashion. I definitely agree with you that the comparison between the fun and chaos of friends and the sadness when they leave each other was done extremely well. I think you hit that point extremely well as I understood what was going on before I read your explanation. I also loved how you ended the poem off. The short lines were a great way to establish the importance of the words and overall gave the piece a nice and fitting conclusion.
As for feedback, it took me a while to think of one since this piece was done perfectly. I guess one recommendation I could give is to improve on your structure. I know you were trying to make your poem look like a cigarette that was slowly being burned away. A way you could help make this happen is by rearranging your sentences so that the lengths would match your goal.
Overall, this piece was done extremely well like your other pieces, and I can’t wait to read more of your future works.
Sincerely,
Jordan
Dear Jordan,
First of all, I appreciate the pun. Secondly, thank you for the comment I appreciate the time you took. For the critique, I agree with you that the effort put into the structure was lacking. Honestly, I wasn’t making it a priority. Next time I will constantly be conscious about my structure choices.
Sincerely,
Hadlen
Dear Hadlen,
I really liked the concept of your poem and how you connected two really different topics in such a seamless way. The words you chose to use were literally perfect in terms of what you were writing about. This piece really put into perspective how friendships are created and how it feels for them to die out. Needless to say I will now be thinking of my own friendships as cigarettes.
In terms of feedback, I didn’t find anything you need to improve on. The whole piece was beautifully written and I truly enjoyed reading it.
I look forward to reading more of your works in the future!
Sincerely,
Gurman
Dear Gurman,
I really appreciate the time you took to read and comment on my poem especially considering how amazing of a writer you are. Seeing that you connected with the poem warms my heart and makes me as a writer more confident. Saying that my piece didn’t need any improvement is amazing, but from reading your poem and your free write, I know that I can learn some tricks from your books.
Sincerely,
Hadlen